The Epic Battle of the Pony Rangers
by DarkAngus
Summary: The purely insane battle between the posessed Cutie Mark Crusaders and the Pony Rangers begins!  Editor's Note: Read at your own risk.


(Editor's note: This is my friend's oneshot MLP fanfic, styled after the totally epic insanity of Thirty H's, a Harry Potter fanfic. This is only written for insane fun, so please try not to bash it too hard. Thank you. Also, he doesn't own MLP or any series even partially mentioned or referenced in this fanfic. Thank goodness.)

The lightning cracked in the sky that night, splitting Equestria in two, as the dreaded queen of darkness, Applebloom, raised her staff (a huge, fiery baseball bat/chainsaw combo) to the sky. The thunderous power of her burning chainsaw bat sent out shockwaves of darkness across the land! Her compatriots, Sweetie Bell and Scootaloo, were by her side, wielding an explosive dictionary made out of lasers and dragon breath and a motorcycle sword fueled by lava, respectively.

As they rode on their magic carpet made of the souls of a thousand demonic ponies, they rode the land devouring all in sight. The sun and moon were aligning, creating a solar eclipse and a lunar eclipse at the same time, which would, in theory, reverse time and summon the Nodde'gamra, a giant demonic abomination of death that would wipe out the entire multiverse.

Suddenly, the Pony Rangers, six heroes of the land of Equestria, appeared! Twilight Sparkle (The Purple Ranger), Rarity (The White Ranger), Rainbow Dash (The Cyan Ranger), Fluttershy (The Yellow Ranger), Pinkie Pie (The Pink Ranger), and Applejack (The Orange Ranger) were their names. Each of them were a master of a certain art:

Twilight was the master of magic, who could summon any Abomination in the multiverse or any dimension imaginable.

Rainbow Dash was the master of speed, who could destroy a planet if she flew too fast. Equestria had to relocate fifty-two times because of her.

Applejack was the master of strength, who could turn all worlds into an apple orchard of death and apples with just a stomp of her iron hooves.

Rarity was the master of beauty, who could use her looks to hypnotise anyone or anything into obeying her will. Immortal monsters with invincible armor would explode just by looking at her mane, and you don't want to know what would happen if you looked at her flank.

Fluttershy was the master of animals, who could command any living entity with her power of The Stare, a hypnotic and forceful stare that could make anything obey her.

Pinkie Pie was the master of comedy, who could make anything fall down dead with just a joke, or by talking to them too much.

The six Pony Rangers prepared for combat with the demonic Applebloom, Sweetie Bell, and Scootaloo. The power of fiery chainsaw-bat, exposive dragon-breath laser dictionary, and lava-powered motorcycle sword pitted itself against the power of Friendship and the world-endlingly powerful skills of the Pony Rangers.

The solar/lunar eclipse was complete and the Nodde'gamra was awakening. The three queens of darkness shouted to the heavens, "Cutie Mark Crusaders Harbingers!" and fought the six with their dark magic.

Twilight summoned Flay'merze, a demonic abomination with the body of a troll and the head of a dragon, whose skin was made of fire and internal organs made of darkness itself. It had no eyes and its mouth was made of stupid YouTube comments which burned anyone a mile near it with acid.

Fluttershy summoned a giant black dragon made of the corpses of a million dead grandparents and the acidic blood of a legion of demons. Rainbow Dash flew into another galaxy to cause a First Class Sonic Rainboom, which was never attempted before and had been banned in every possible reality and dimension of Equestria.

Pinkie Pie summoned a stage and began to tell mind-bogglingly _[sic]_ hilarious jokes that would've made any lesser man explode twice in laughter. Applejack threw her apple farm at the Cutie Mark Crusaders of Doom seven times until it finally got a dent. Then it exploded like a bomb made of seven universes full of atomic bombs and nitroglycerine _[sic]_.

Rarity summoned all her magic power to cause an explosion of jewels come out of the ground and onto her body, making her a billion times more beautiful!

Flay'merze the Abomination launched itself at the Cutie Mark Crusader Harbingers, as well as the Dark Corpse Dragon that Fluttershy caused. They were both sucked into Sweetie Bell's dictionary, which promptly exploded like a thousand nukes.

Rarity's beauty began to hypnotise the Crusader Harbingers, but then failed when her beauty exploded Ponyville, turning it into smoldering ashes and explosive pony dust.

Suddenly Pinkie Pie's joke distracted the Crusaders, causing the very vaccum of space to be filled with their laughter. I can't tell you what the joke was, as it would kill you as soon as you heard it. All you need to know is that it involved Japan, peanuts, and the Democratic Party.

The joke distracted them long enough for Applejack to throw all three of the Cutie Mark Crusader Harbingers into space, where they were promptly thrown to earth by the incoming Rainbow Dash, who had destroyed the galaxy with her First Class Sonic Rainboom. Thankfully, the rainboom didn't kill the Crusaders, but merely freed them from their spell.

Twilight teleported all the survivors into another reality where the apocalypse caused by the Crusaders didn't happen.

"What happened?" Rainbow Dash asked. "Why did you three turn evil?"

"The Miasma attacked us!" Sweetie Bell replied with zeal.

"It's an Abomination worse than anything, created from the evil and spite of another world!" Applebloom added loudly. "It feeds on perversion and strife and can warp reality to whatever it desires."

"I could've fought it off with my lava-fueled motorcycle sword, but it was too fast for us!" Scootaloo added.

The Pony Rangers forgave them for the misunderstanding and they all went home, prepared to fight the Miasma one day.


End file.
